PM does Cobourg in six minutes flat, evacuates prematurely 

Article by Heddi Bundt

COBOURG—Well, if young men are known for anything, it’s speed and lack of staying power. And it would seem that our youthful PM is no exception. 

Just recently, the city of Cobourg got all dolled up and waited for the prime minister, languishing like an expectant lover draped in silk and expectation. Hours after the appointed time, he arrived—panting and anxious—to the weary bosom of Cobourg.

And he promptly finished his visit six minutes later.

Ladies, don’t we all have at least one episode like this in our memory? The buildup is almost excruciating, the foretaste of pleasures to come, driving us wild with anticipation. But instead of waves of pleasure lapping the shores of your trembling flesh, you get four or five purposeful thrusts and then it’s over. The Earth does not move. It doesn’t even budge.

And so it was, alas, for the tens of folks awaiting Mr. Trudeau. Passion and composure were surely melting like sorbet in the humid air when at last he appeared, announcing that it was “A pleasure to be back.” A handful of Liberal partisans cheered, but a good many others in the audience hurled insults and accusations. URST (UnRequited Sexual Tension) can bring out madness in us all, especially in a heatwave.

Trudeau spent two minutes and forty-five seconds addressing the group, which all ladies know is barely enough time to establish a decent rhythm. The entire event lasted six minutes and thirty seconds, leaving most wondering what, if anything, had happened. A rapid ravishing, then Wham, bam, thank you, Cobourg.

In a contest of relatively young male leaders, all of them in a big hurry to achieve a glorious finale over a short campaign, can we really expect much more than brisk, brief and bewildering?

Politicians beware. There are plenty of issues on the table. It’s going to take more than a drive-by quickie to satiate Canadians. 

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