Joshing Around

Article by Hugo Blue
LINCOLN—Over one hundred people named Josh gathered together in Lincoln Air Park to smack each other with pool noodles—and to decide, once and for all, who is the best Josh.

The idea began as a joke initiated by Josh Swain of Arizona (“aka Josh Prime”) who, perhaps insecure over his worthiness of being Josh, thought up the contest in pandemic boredom. Other Joshes, as it turns out, also suffer from name diffidence. They all liked the idea and the event quickly organized.

JoshBowl 2021 kicked off with Josh Swain battling doppelganger Josh Swains, in a nail-biting tourney of rock-paper-scissors. With every victory, the original Josh Swain absorbed the power of each befallen Josh. There can be only one Josh Swain.

The losers will now have to change their names.

With their champion proclaimed, the calamitous melee officially commenced as Josh smacked Josh, who also hit Josh, using a striking variety of foam armaments.

Onlookers, who were not Josh, cheered on the combatants, shouting “Josh, Josh, Josh!”

An imposter named Tosh, feeling a little left out, attempted to join the fray but was detected immediately.

I’m feeling a little left out myself, to be honest. Why should Josh get all the fun when we could expand this contest of names beyond the Josh community. Perhaps a different name every year? I’m looking at you, Hugos!

At the end of the day, unsurprisingly, Josh was declared the victor.

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