Whiny Aussie Winemakers Target Canada, Feds Flummoxed

Article by Dick Badger

GENEVA—Well, the honest truth is I don’t give a crap about wine, and I wouldn’t know your best bottle from turpentine even if I was washing my brushes in it. My wife says when her winey-tastey friends come over, I tend to go full arsehole, which is not a misrepresentation.

But someone down in the County told me the Aussies have been eating our lunch for years over there at the WTO. It’s one thing if some trade wonk thinks Oz winemakers shouldn’t have to pay some niggling excise tax. But when they send in the lawyers to bamboozle the feds into making the Canadians pay the same tax—in their own country—that’s it. Game on. 

Now, I know your eyes are already bleeding at the thought of me blathering on here about import duties and the like. But that’s not where I’m headed.

Where I’m headed is, Oz is so hot that half the country is on fire, and the other half is a desert. Am I wrong?

So maybe our message to the Aussies should be, hey, we’re out here trying to grow grapes and make wine in the coldest f-ing country in the world, and if you can’t compete with that, maybe you should think about getting out of the wine biz and learn to code.

My Aussie bud Dirk says I should lighten up and have another beer, since we’re all friends here and by the way the last time he looked no one in Canberra was taking Canadians hostage.


Point taken.

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